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IC contact
Zulius
You got Zulius. I'm busy being fabulous. Deposit hot goss here.
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Jaws theme intensifies
Which is to say he ABSOLUTELY adores these gifts. Dang Heng hit all the right buttons there. He was also a monumental idiot and signed his name to this. It takes zero effort for Zulius to find him on the network and send him a message.]
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, Secret Santa! [It's already too late to run. He's done for. It's the end.] I wanted to send you a big heckin' thank you for those presents. You hit the nail RIGHT on the head those those, omg. Did you talk to my friends because if not, you're a regular Sherlock Holmes of presents.
[There's a nonzero chance he has already eaten the entire fucking cake.]
I'm gonna have to take you out for a treat! To say THANKS.
CALL AN AMBULENCE
...Did he just say "omg"? Out loud? Oh, God. He puts the phone back to a normal distance so he can talk to Zulius more politely.]
I did ask my cousin if he knew you, but I also looked up what roles you played. It was what inspired the art. The dragon is meant as a symbol of strength and prosperity.
[Wait, take him out???]
You... don't need to do that. That negates the purpose of a Secret Santa, doesn't it?
there is no saving him
Oh? Who's your cousin? DOES he know me? And oooh, I love that. I love the whole thing! You did your research and everything.
Nope! Because now you've got yourself a new friend and that does NOT negate the purpose of friendship.
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[Oh, no. Aggressive friendship. Dan Heng's weakness. He can see that fighting Zulius on this is a battle he will soundly lose, too.]
I... [sighs] ... Alright, then I'll accept.
[Maybe it'll be less painful if he just goes along with it. Maybe.]
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[His ego has been fluffed and he's delighted. It's screwed Dan Heng over forever but life's sometimes like that.]
Great! You didn't have a choice either way, but great! What sort of things do you like?
[Big maybe there, buddy. ]
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Oh, no, this question. This question is one he's always been terrible at answering.]
If you're talking about food, I don't have strong feelings one way or another.
[If you put it on a plate in front of him, he'll eat it without complaint.]
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...Okay, Honey? I'm gonna need you to work with me a little here. Like, say if you wanted something to eat right now what would you pick? No restraints.
[So help him he will figure you out, you socially awkward weirdo. He figured out Vittore, he can figure out you! ]
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[He would be sorry to Zulius, but this is the price of Dan Heng's friendship. Or something. Good luck, Zulius, this is shaping up to be a... Challenge, alright.]
1/2
2/2
Okay, you know what? Fine, it's FINE. Mamma Bunter didn't raise no quitter. I'll surprise you. And it'll be a great surprise. You'll have fun.
[This is both a promise and a threat. ]
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I look forward to seeing what 'fun surprise' you have for me, Zulius. I can text you which days and times that I'm free.
[God help them both.]
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Great! And I'm looking forward to it too. Until then!!!
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Mm.
[That's all Zulius gets before Dan Heng hangs up on him. He turns off his phone immediately and goes to lie down for a bit to process... all of this.]
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YOU BETTER WATCH OUT]