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[bebest]

Zulius

You got Zulius. I'm busy being fabulous. Deposit hot goss here.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

FROM: SUBJECT: MAXIMA Zulius...would you have time to talk... JUN Actually... I might have an idea... LYCAON Present LYNEY Hello! This is the owner/operator of the Vogue, right? ZEVRAN Your highness. DIARMUID Zulius, my friend. GILGAMESH Once again, I grace you with my sparkling presence. EDWARD Happy 21st! SAMPO Yoooo-hooo. House-visit! GIL Dearest Zulius, best of all the best... VERGIL I do wonder how you can go to sleep and... LYCAON Happy 21st birthday to you yet again. ROSE Zulius, we need to talk. ROSE Fancy a girl’s night? TAKAME Zulius, were you and Vittore still curious as to Gilgamesh's whereabouts? VERGIL & GIL Amor. I felt of all people who needed a message... VENTI Queen Bestie, I'm gonna need some mercy from... GIL Good morning, o shining beacon of Kaisou's culture and sophistication~ EDWARD Do you have one of those blue-and-purple flags... JUN Edward Kenway intended to take on the... ROSE Zulius, are you there? ZHONGLI Zulius, I'm checking in to make sure... VERGIL I have two questions for you. GIL zulius, there's no rest for the wicked... LAPIS hi, sorry that this is a bit out of the blue but DANG HENG Secret Santa TAKAME Zulius? Would it be alright if I brought you something? SHROUD Zulius, owner of the Vogue. ELLIOT & VENTI Zulius, I got a lead on a new actor to fill... EDWARD Mate, you’re good at accessories... VERGIL mi dispiace ZERO Zulius? Are you here today? VERGIL/WOLFWOOD ...Before you say anything... ZERO Something important has come up... VENTI Hey, Zules! I've got some news for you... ASH turnabout's fair play TAKAME unable to work tonight my apologies ROSE Zulius, do you have a moment? TAKAME There is something I wish to ask... RYOUTA zulius! i got some freshly brewed T E A to spill for you!

TO: SUBJECT: AIDES Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay darlings! LYCAON I, your dear sweet Papa... VENTI So hey Bestie, you can now add... VENTI BEST BESTIE??? Please tell me you're okay! VENTI Bestie forever and forever please confirm or deny. WOLFWOOD Happy B-Day Nick! VERGIL Notable day in HISTORY! KNI Hey Sweetie. I know you've been going through it... VASH Hey Sweetie. I know you've been going through it... DANTE Ding dong, this is your local fabulous zebrataur... GIL Soooooooo. What's the game plan here, Pumpkin? VASH Happy B-Day, Bestie! VERGIL Happy B-Day, Boo! DANTE Happy B-DAY Sugar Tits!!! VENTI Happy B-Day Queen Bestie!! VERGIL Baby can I come sleep with you? :( VERGIL Hey Handsome. Nick's worried that... EDWARD EDWARD KENWAY?!!!!!! ROSE Rosey this is NOT funny! VENTI SHOW 👏 ME 👏 THE 👏 RING!! VERGIL Hey so you know how they told us we REEEAAALLY shouldn't make the fae mad at us? ELLIOT Happy B-Day, Elliot! FURINA Hey Sweetie. I haven't seen you at work for a while... VERGIL Happy Valentines Day, Boo! ELLIOT Hey El. Would you do me a favour for three thousand dollars? VERGIL My turn to send you flowers VENTI OMG, Bestie! I have SO much tea... ROSE Ding dong. This is your check-up call... VERGIL H-hey, Vergil. You busy tonight? ZHONGLI & VENTI So hey, FUNNY, FUNNY thing happens to me today! VERGIL Okay, I have been SUPER nice and given you... MOXXIE Hey, Moxx! They've got OUR production of Cats... VENTI Girl, are you Shakespeare??!!!! DANTE So, is your brother just SUPER into painting or... VERGIL New Zhongli tits out statue dropped. xoxo ZHONGLI Hey, Zhongli. Can you do me a solid? ZHONGLI "Dear Zulius, my hottest and most..." ZHONGLI Ding dong Avon calling. ZHONGLI Oh look, it's ME again! ZHONGLI Heeeyyy Gorgeous. You're good at contracts and paperwork... VERGIL Hey Handsome, Madama Butterfly is on tonight VERGIL A gift!! AUGUST Haaaaaay! Takame hit me up... RYOUTA Now I've got some prime tea for YOU! TAKAME Hey you. How're you feeling?

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[bebest]

[Zulius is about to text Vergil something filthy about Dante and his soundproofing of his office. He's about to send something terrible. Something that would require brain bleach to survive.

Luckily, Vergil chooses this moment to just FUCKING WALK OUT OF HIS MIRROR!!!!

Zulius lets out a panicked A!!!!!! sound, flailing backwards as Vergil continues talking like nothing fucking weird just happened!!! ]