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Zulius
You got Zulius. I'm busy being fabulous. Deposit hot goss here.
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You tell other people that because you are a good man who wants other people to be happy. But you keep denying yourself that SAME kindness, which is super mean to a really good person, don't you think? It's you, BTW, the good person is you.
[ Zulius shrugs, and his answer is a simple one. Zulius doesn't talk about his past life all that much. Aside from his herd, the rest of it is horribly depressing, and he tries not to think about it. But it has a place here, so.]
My past life was fighting in a wholeass war that spanned, like two entire worlds. The last thing I remember from it? We were all headed across both those worlds after the war had ended to try and rebuild them both, because weirdly, a decades-long conflict with an eldritch death monster kinda messes up the lives of literally everyone. There was a lot of rebuilding left. Like, a LOT a lot! And those two worlds were joined again after being separated for so long. It was messy.
[ He has a point, he really does! ]
If I'd come fresh from that life as an Otherworlder? And like... if I'd found happiness here? I don't know. I'd like to think my family would have been glad I found something that I found worth staying for. Like, I'd found something good to live for despite all the awful that we went through. Even if it meant I wasn't there to help rebuild it. Because, and here's the kicker Maxima, so I hope you're listening really carefully.
[He leans in a little, to impart his great centaur wisdom. ]
There's more than one way to carve a future and let people's dreams live on. Sometimes it's not as grand as fixing some massive problem or rebuilding something broken. Sometimes, you let your loved one's dreams carry on by living, instead of just being alive. that way their dreams and work live on through you in a different way. And that way is no less important or precious than the other. Because you're no less important or precious. Your life and your happiness, like, matters just as much as the world you're trying to mend.
no subject
This is, he suddenly realizes, the lesson that that train had been trying to impart to him all the way back near the start of the year. He hadn't been ready to grasp it then, not in the short span of two weeks, although he'd come out of the experience beginning to change anyway.
He thinks back on the things he saw then, on the bonds he's formed since. He's so much more invested in this place now than he had been. He has a title and an office and a community around him. He took the time to make stockings with everyone's names on them because he wanted them to feel at home in Meropide.]
I have...always loved my home more than it loved me.
[That's a truth so painful it nearly chokes him, but he's ready to say it out loud now.]
...And during the festival, Santa Claus told me my parents are already proud of who I am.
[Anyone else he would have argued that he hasn't done enough to be proud of yet, or claimed it was a platitude, but from Santa Claus himself, how could he do anything but accept it? The memory has his eyes sparkling with moisture.]
Oh, I...I really have been unkind to myself, haven't I?
[He takes a deep breath, holds it, lets it out slowly, and doesn't speak again until he's sure his voice will come out steady.]
Thank you, Zulius. Truly. I didn't...have any idea my story might awaken such things for you as well.
no subject
His expression gentles, his ears dropping sadly. ]
I mean... I didn't wanna just right come out and say it, but yeah. That's the vibe I got, Honey. It sounds like you've put everything into that place and it doesn't sound like it gave much at all back.
[ That shoulder gets another squeeze. ]
Of course they are! Why wouldn't they be? Look at everything you've done! You're doing amazing every day, Sweetie! I'm proud of you, so obvi your parents would be.
[He says that like it's the simplest thing in the world. Water is wet. Sky is up. ]
You've been super unkind to yourself, and it's my personal opinion that you should stop that, like, immediately. Because you are someone who does not deserve that from anyone, much less yourself. But if you want someone to help give you pointers on doing that, I am an expert. I can show you all my moves!
[ He lets out a breath, waving a hand. ]
Don't mention it, HAPPY to help. And...yeaaaaaah. My past life was a lot of yikes. But a lot of good too - because I got people who I loved, and who loved me and we helped each other heal, you know? That's a super important part of the healing process. The whole love and support thing others thang.
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[Even now, with all his illusions finally broken, he doesn't regret the choices he's made so far. He believed his people could become a force for good in the world - what shame is there in having that hope? He returned home to help guide people who were willing to help his countrymen, to save those who were suffering, because he knew the land and the culture, because his expertise could save lives.
But...that doesn't mean that he has to stay forever. It doesn't mean that he has to accept that the rest of his life can only ever be dedicated to this.
And if he's really honest with himself, his belief was damaged badly on the day he tried to go home and they shot his ship out of the sky. He still tried to cling to the hope that they could become better, but deep down he's stopped truly believing that they'll ever make that choice, and that's not a good place for someone in his position to be.]
You've given me a lot to think about. I'm going to take a little time to sit with it, I think...think about what I actually want for my own life.
[He smiles slightly; there's a sadness around his eyes, but he seems relieved, too. Definitely a good deal lighter than when he came in.]
...And to work out how I want to speak to Lorenzo. Even if...he isn't interested in pursuing more...I truly can't justify keeping the truth from him.
no subject
[ And sometimes that's all you need. Understand the grey parts between. Accepting that there is more than you ever originally thought. Good stuff - healthy stuff, that helps you grow as a person.
Zulius smiles, small and genuine. ]
Good! I'm super glad I did, and you should take some time to think about it. Those are BIG thoughts to have, they'll take time to work through. But what's important is that you're ready to do that. I'm so proud of you for realising it's time for you to do that, though!
[Ah yes, Lighter. Zulius nods his head. ]
Letting it out is important. It's way better than letting it fester. And you'll know either way, right? And it'll be a weight off either way - though I'm really rooting for you guys.
[ He holds his arms open. ]
You want a hug? I think you need a hug.
no subject
[He looks at Zulius' open arms hesitantly...and then relaxes, smiling ruefully as he leans in for a hug. What point would there be now in insisting on some pretense of dignity and restraint?]
Thank you, Zulius. For everything.
no subject
[ There's no dignity here! His tall ass can just come lean in to cuddle this shorty zebra man, and he is going to enjoy it! Zulius pats his back gently. ]
Natch! Absolutely any time, Honey. I'm here for you! And I will be here for you to celebrate or commiserate once you talk to him too! I prommy!