[Diarmuid was glad for Zulius hearing him out, let alone accepting the apology at all. It was more than he could have asked for. It was some weight off of his heavy, burdened heart. It would give him the strength to make... more difficult conversations.
So Vergil saw Dante. In his rage Diarmuid recalled feeling extra offense towards being called brother by the one he saw.
But that only made his head hurt worse. Zulius' voice brought him back to earth from the tangled, thorny path of jostled memories and he took a deep breath to steady himself.]
My apologies... I...
[An inaudble sigh.]
... Since we all returned. My memories have been in constant flux. You, Vittore, the others who entered Omatsuri Carnival, even the ones I'd only met there such as Sir Lycaon. I remember you all. I remember this city.
[...]
But of my home world... I cannot make heads or tails of what happened to "me" and what hasn't. I recall three... four... so many others who summoned me into their era and all are a blur.
Even... Even W...Waver. [The way Diarmuid said his partner's name felt stiff, like it was odd to hear from his own mouth. Nothing like the fondness or even just casual nature he said it with before. Like he barely knew the guy.]
[Zulius listens to what his friend has to say, making a soft, distressed noise in the back of his throat. He gives Diarmuid's shoulder a little squeeze. ]
Oh, Sweetheart. That sounds so frightening! That... is that something to do with being a Servant? Vergil said you'd lose your body and you'd kinda just... stopped.
[Stopped existing, is what he wants to say, but he doesn't. He can't bring himself to speak those words into existence. It's fine, Dia is here. He's alive. He's solid under his hand.
Worse still that he forgot Waver. That's got to be killing Waver, but he needs to focus on the friend that's right here, right now. ]
That's gotta... suck. How do you feel? Is there anything I can do to help?
... Yes. If I should die as a Servant, as with all Heroic Spirits, I would not leave a body. I am constructed from mana and to mana I will return. The fact that I did is likely due to whatever power is at play in this city. Or perhaps, the same power that brought us back during the incident with the Cabin...
[He remembered the Cabin. He remembered his rage. Who or what it was towards, however, was a blur. And why he flew into such a fury was just as unknown...]
But I am still here. I am still alive. I just don't know why I returned with my memories in such a state this time...
[And it's very clear that this is eating Diarmuid alive. Not being able to remember anything because he was remembering too much. Not being able to properly reciprocate the feelings he knew he had for Waver but could not connect anything.
It was crushing. For both of them. But as ever, Diarmuid never thought of himself first.]
I will prevail. I believe that these memories will reconstruct with time... and I must see to it they do for his sake. [Which doesn't answer how he's feeling right now.]
I must ask for your support in this difficult task. I remember you as clear as the beacon of joy you are. I'll need that in the days to come.
[If he side steps the question about his feelings enough he doesn't need to answer it right.]
[ Zulius nods, taking the time to process all of that. ]
Okay.
[ It's said softly. Quietly. There's still an undeniable air of worry about the whole thing. Dia is here now. He's alive and while is categorically is Not Okay, he is here. ]
Do you think it might've been the Baron's weird stuff that did it? Like, he messed with EVERYone's minds, right? Maybe it's some of that left over?
[At the request, Zulius' expression softens, he's just gonna reach down to take one of Diarmuid's hands into both of his, giving it a firm squeeze. ]
Honey, you've GOT it. Whatever you need! Flash cards, trips down memory lane? We will ABSOLUTELY get through this. And you better believe I'll still be a beacon of joy! I will give you so much joy, you won't know what to DO with it!
[You take what you can sometimes. He wasn't fine. But he was here.]
It is possible. Many factors can be at play here... it's possible that it was his hand at play, it's possible it has something to do with my summoner not being present... As it stands, here we are now.
[And it hurt. It hurt a lot.
But would it be Diarmuid ua Duibhne if he wasn't working through circumstances that broke his heart?
At least he was able to smile at Zulius being so very... himself at the matter. It was sad, deeply sad to his core. But he smiled nonetheless and gave those hands a gentle squeeze of his own. Like handling a bright flower.]
Hahaha. I think I will know precisely what to do with it. I will spread the joy among my friends and loved ones while keeping close to my heart that which you've given to me. I will and have never forgotten the kindness you've always had.
Thank you, my friend. With all that I am. Words may never properly express my gratitude. But may this be a start.
[And with his ability to conjure flowers, he summoned a white rose in his hand. One to really show that gratitude to his friend.]
It will be a difficult road for me. There are still... others I must approach.
Well. That sucks a whole lot. But I get it. I'm SO not smart enough to figure out the whys and hows on this one, that's not my lane. [It's rare for Zulius to admit he can't do something, but book smarts are not a skill set he has, and he's fine with that! ] Buuuut for now, what really matters is moving forward. You are SO right.
[ This really does sound like... well, not a typical Diarmuid problem, this was miles worse than they've gone through before. But it was still in the usual Heartbreaking Ballpark Diarmuid Problems often found themselves in. ]
Sounds like a good plan to me, Sweetie! We WILL figure this out, but I am here to give you ALL the support you need while we're doing that.
[ He giggles happily at the rose, taking it off Diarmuid and putting it carefully in his mohawk. ]
Babe, I LOVE it! Present accepted!!! [ His expression softens a touch. ] Yeah? You need help with any of it? You KNOW I'll fight anyone for you who needs fighting! I can Read them for filth!
[His many lives are tinged with heartbreak. Whether it's his or the many women he could not accept the affection of as they were victims.
Much like Diarmuid's honor as a knight, heartbreak will ever be a constant that he will never forget.
But it's because of his friends that he did remember that it ached... just a little less. He was not alone or distant from his friends as he was when he was "alive". He didn't have to run. He just had to take the hands offered to him.]
Ha, I know that you will. And I would be glad to have you at my side should a fierce battle of words arise. But there are a few of these I must approach alone.
[ Anything Zulius could do to make his friend hurt a little less, he'd do it. That hand would always be there, outstretched and ready to scoop Diarmuid up- every time he had a mind to take it.
Ah, but here they are. Vergil. Zulius' ears flick back for a moment, his smile fading. ]
...Yeah. I think that's a big conversation only you guys can have. [ He worries his lip a little. ] He does feel bad about it. Like. Real bad. I can't speak FOR him, obvi, but... still.
[And for that he was eternally grateful. Diarmuid's expression also slowly faded into a frown again. But nothing in his demeanor indicated prominent resentment.
Of course he was furious with Vergil slamming down hard on those accusations. Of course there was a hint of that in his heart. But he just looked sad and ashamed.]
I know. I do not know what to expect in speaking with him. But I know what I want to say to him. Regardless, I will give him more time before I approach. There is much that I need to settle in my own heart before then.
[ Zulius catches that look. He's not got it in him to start that particular battle again, but he will give his friend's shoulder another solid, reassuring squeeze. He does understand. That was... a lot. ]
Honestly? That's probs for the best, Honey. Just tell him you wanna say your piece, he'll let you talk. He's good at the... silently standing there and hearing what people have to say thing. If you have stuff to say to him, he'll listen.
[ But he gets it, he nods. ]
Understandable, Sweetie. You take your time. Do it when you're ready.
no subject
So Vergil saw Dante. In his rage Diarmuid recalled feeling extra offense towards being called brother by the one he saw.
But that only made his head hurt worse. Zulius' voice brought him back to earth from the tangled, thorny path of jostled memories and he took a deep breath to steady himself.]
My apologies... I...
[An inaudble sigh.]
... Since we all returned. My memories have been in constant flux. You, Vittore, the others who entered Omatsuri Carnival, even the ones I'd only met there such as Sir Lycaon. I remember you all. I remember this city.
[...]
But of my home world... I cannot make heads or tails of what happened to "me" and what hasn't. I recall three... four... so many others who summoned me into their era and all are a blur.
Even... Even W...Waver. [The way Diarmuid said his partner's name felt stiff, like it was odd to hear from his own mouth. Nothing like the fondness or even just casual nature he said it with before. Like he barely knew the guy.]
no subject
Oh, Sweetheart. That sounds so frightening! That... is that something to do with being a Servant? Vergil said you'd lose your body and you'd kinda just... stopped.
[Stopped existing, is what he wants to say, but he doesn't. He can't bring himself to speak those words into existence. It's fine, Dia is here. He's alive. He's solid under his hand.
Worse still that he forgot Waver. That's got to be killing Waver, but he needs to focus on the friend that's right here, right now. ]
That's gotta... suck. How do you feel? Is there anything I can do to help?
no subject
[He remembered the Cabin. He remembered his rage. Who or what it was towards, however, was a blur. And why he flew into such a fury was just as unknown...]
But I am still here. I am still alive. I just don't know why I returned with my memories in such a state this time...
[And it's very clear that this is eating Diarmuid alive. Not being able to remember anything because he was remembering too much. Not being able to properly reciprocate the feelings he knew he had for Waver but could not connect anything.
It was crushing. For both of them. But as ever, Diarmuid never thought of himself first.]
I will prevail. I believe that these memories will reconstruct with time... and I must see to it they do for his sake. [Which doesn't answer how he's feeling right now.]
I must ask for your support in this difficult task. I remember you as clear as the beacon of joy you are. I'll need that in the days to come.
[If he side steps the question about his feelings enough he doesn't need to answer it right.]
no subject
Okay.
[ It's said softly. Quietly. There's still an undeniable air of worry about the whole thing. Dia is here now. He's alive and while is categorically is Not Okay, he is here. ]
Do you think it might've been the Baron's weird stuff that did it? Like, he messed with EVERYone's minds, right? Maybe it's some of that left over?
[At the request, Zulius' expression softens, he's just gonna reach down to take one of Diarmuid's hands into both of his, giving it a firm squeeze. ]
Honey, you've GOT it. Whatever you need! Flash cards, trips down memory lane? We will ABSOLUTELY get through this. And you better believe I'll still be a beacon of joy! I will give you so much joy, you won't know what to DO with it!
no subject
It is possible. Many factors can be at play here... it's possible that it was his hand at play, it's possible it has something to do with my summoner not being present... As it stands, here we are now.
[And it hurt. It hurt a lot.
But would it be Diarmuid ua Duibhne if he wasn't working through circumstances that broke his heart?
At least he was able to smile at Zulius being so very... himself at the matter. It was sad, deeply sad to his core. But he smiled nonetheless and gave those hands a gentle squeeze of his own. Like handling a bright flower.]
Hahaha. I think I will know precisely what to do with it. I will spread the joy among my friends and loved ones while keeping close to my heart that which you've given to me. I will and have never forgotten the kindness you've always had.
Thank you, my friend. With all that I am. Words may never properly express my gratitude. But may this be a start.
[And with his ability to conjure flowers, he summoned a white rose in his hand. One to really show that gratitude to his friend.]
It will be a difficult road for me. There are still... others I must approach.
no subject
[ This really does sound like... well, not a typical Diarmuid problem, this was miles worse than they've gone through before. But it was still in the usual Heartbreaking Ballpark Diarmuid Problems often found themselves in. ]
Sounds like a good plan to me, Sweetie! We WILL figure this out, but I am here to give you ALL the support you need while we're doing that.
[ He giggles happily at the rose, taking it off Diarmuid and putting it carefully in his mohawk. ]
Babe, I LOVE it! Present accepted!!! [ His expression softens a touch. ] Yeah? You need help with any of it? You KNOW I'll fight anyone for you who needs fighting! I can Read them for filth!
no subject
Much like Diarmuid's honor as a knight, heartbreak will ever be a constant that he will never forget.
But it's because of his friends that he did remember that it ached... just a little less. He was not alone or distant from his friends as he was when he was "alive". He didn't have to run. He just had to take the hands offered to him.]
Ha, I know that you will. And I would be glad to have you at my side should a fierce battle of words arise. But there are a few of these I must approach alone.
[...]
Vergil and I cannot avoid one another forever.
no subject
Ah, but here they are. Vergil. Zulius' ears flick back for a moment, his smile fading. ]
...Yeah. I think that's a big conversation only you guys can have. [ He worries his lip a little. ] He does feel bad about it. Like. Real bad. I can't speak FOR him, obvi, but... still.
no subject
Of course he was furious with Vergil slamming down hard on those accusations. Of course there was a hint of that in his heart. But he just looked sad and ashamed.]
I know. I do not know what to expect in speaking with him. But I know what I want to say to him. Regardless, I will give him more time before I approach. There is much that I need to settle in my own heart before then.
no subject
Honestly? That's probs for the best, Honey. Just tell him you wanna say your piece, he'll let you talk. He's good at the... silently standing there and hearing what people have to say thing. If you have stuff to say to him, he'll listen.
[ But he gets it, he nods. ]
Understandable, Sweetie. You take your time. Do it when you're ready.